Valentine's Day

Well, I am duly impressed. My dad out-did himself, in his BLOG, entitled "Valentine's Day", and discussed, of course, my dear, sweet, loving mother (mom, honestly, this is satire, I promise).......Forever prolific, Dad sneaks in his innate scholarly approach to this nauseatingly mushy holiday tribute, and gives readers some excellent tips on marriage.

Dad shares his wisdom and thoughtfully includes a handy:

"Gift Giving Guide To Your Spouse Of 30+/-Years".

I truly felt sentimental pangs about his tribute to a specific and memorable past "holiday" gift my father proudly presented to his bride. "THE SAW", I will call it. I remember the day that he bravely and proudly presented to my mother a token of his love and what I feel I must admit to be an illustration of a moment of pure insanity! What was he THINKING????

More frighteningly, she LOVED it. (Fodder for an upcoming CSI episode, I am afraid).

Hey, wait a minute! Although, I realize he purchased the saw for her on a Valentine's Day gone by, I have to wonder if this was no more than his ultimately morbid attempt at becoming famous (or infamous). Once I do a little investigating into what he gave her today, I will have a better idea of what is going on in this family I proudly call my own. Does he want to be featured on "Nancy Grace"?

I hope that he is NOT tempting fate, or more likely testing some crazed scientific experiment in human nature and family relations all in an attempt to simply prove some theory.

I hope he did not accidentally read the wrong experiment notes and mistakenly turn to the pages about testing the theory that "Hell Hath No Fury As A Woman Scorned"....

Some days, I wonder if my mother or my father are feeling scorned or maybe just generally irritated. Maybe it is only when I show up to visit??? Hmmmm.......

I am still quite upset that I require the employ of a Wind-Talker when trying to figure out the shopping list on the chalkboard. What is going on over there, anyway? I am terrified to discover the truth.......

You see, both of my parents, and, come to think of it, frighteningly, my siblings all enjoy viewing a wide variety of freaky, bloody, and gory, bizzare movies that attempt to scare the beejeebies out of the innocent viewer (my family refers to these movies as "CLASSICS"). (Thankfully, I escaped any real psychological damage as a result of the exposure!)

Be careful gentlemen shoppers!!! Please, Please, heed my advice:

Consider this: THOUGH it IS true, chocolate is loaded with enough calories and fat to, ah...how to put this gently...to enhance your wife's profile....you will probably be a happier man purchasing a lovely assortment of candy!

Now, enough of that, and down to some personal business, "Honey, WHERE'S MY CANDY BAR???"
Oops! I forgot.........not married.....