MONEY

MONEY. Nobody has enough of it. I need more of it. How about you? I could use some today, that is for sure. Why? I could find a good use for it. I would love to eat a filet mignon. Too bad. Not today. A filet will have to be eaten another day.

MONEY. Don't misunderstand....money is not the root of all evil. The LOVE of money is the root of all evil and will surely land your soul in hell for all eternity. I learned this from a t.v. evangelist that I happened upon the other day. Suddenly, my guilty feelings associated to the greenbacks subsided. I know that I have read it in the Bible, but just hearing it verbalized, makes such a stronger impact to me somehow.

So, how do I make more? Oh, and how to stop spending it?????

The people I know that actually do have "plenty" and even "enough" are extremely frugal. They respect it. My parents tried and tried my entire life to instill the characteristic of frugality:

"Turn off the lights!"

"Don't you touch that thermostat!"

"Close the door! Were you born in a barn?"

Kids, hear me now, your parents are not on the earth simply to harrass you. They are not dumb, or just trying to make your life a living hell; quite the contrary, they are trying to save you from yourself.

If I had only listened to what they were saying, instead of spending that time thinking up my own smart alec remarks, such as :

"What lights? I live in darkness."

"I am not touching it, I am just adjusting it so I don't freeze to death."

"I was too young to remember where I was born, although my birth certificate says Akron, Ohio; but Jesus was born in a manger, and I don't hear any complaints there."

I should have been slapped. I guess if my parents were terrible and had violent tempers, I would have been.......

Unfortunately, as I sit here alone in adulthood, I have to admit that I verbalized at least each of them....at least once. Mom, dad, I am sorry.

In conjunction with my parent's teachings and a hearty dose of reality (LIFE), my attitude has finally been adjusted.

No, money does not grow on trees, at least none that I can find anyway. There are even money trees, as my mother once taught me; however, they haven't solved my problems. I certainly checked out my secret hunch out though, (there had to be money somewhere as a result of that tree), as a youngster, I spent much of my spare time searching in vain for quarters (even pennies) on the ground beneath the tree. From time to time, I still sneak a peek beneath the ground hoping to find a dollar or two.

It happens to be that I have even gone as far as disgracing my parents with embarrassment and disdain when I pulled into their driveway shortly after the purchase of my very own BMW 328i, a couple of years ago....Okay! Okay! I know. STUPID purchase, and boy, what a mistake. Thankfully, I sold it (for a profit) to another sucker, hoping to find happiness with that horrible bundle of trouble.

Mom, dad, you are right, you have always been right, and I am sorry.

Years after selling the Beemer, that didn't make me sexier, happier, or any of those things that I thought it would do, today, I find myself proudly shopping at the local Dollar store.

I have discovered the horrors of coming home after work to find that water does not just naturally disperse from the tap....that when the lights are not properly and promptly turned off when not in use, and you haven't paid that bill, they refuse to "light up your life". I have learned that cable t.v. is not a necessity, but a luxury. Telephones, well....you can live without them, believe it or not.

SOME OTHER HELPFUL HINTS: Toilet paper...can be purchased for about 60 cents from your local grocer, as long as you get the single ply, single role. As a single individual, that single roll can last a mighty long time, as long as you are frugal with the number of sheets you tear off at one sitting. The scratchiness, well....as is life, you just have to deal with it!

Shirtsleeves can be used to wipe your nose, but just don't do it in public. (No, mom, I don't really do this.)

Gas stations do accept change, and who cares if the clerk smirks at you or becomes impatient. The people in line behind you can do one of two appropriate things, keep their mouths closed and be patient, or just say whatever they want to, and slip you a few bucks....